Revenge shouldn’t be served at all.
When I was much younger, I lived in a perpetual world of hurt that I couldn’t seem to escape from. A world where the only way out that I could see was through - through other people with a sharp blade forged from hurt and wielded to cut through them unapologetically.
These days, I no longer want to hurt people with the mindset that they must suffer the way I have suffered but I do want them to understand they have hurt me and ensure that they are recipients of my bristling anger. I want them to hear the irritation brewing underneath in the tone of my voice.
God has been working on me with this. More importantly, I realised that wanting to express my anger in order to let people that have hurt me know they have done affects me and my growth no matter how big or small.
It took me a few twists and turns to arrive at the conclusion that people often turn out exactly the way the people they hate are. More often than not, people turn out with the same mannerisms, actions, inactions, attitudes and faults as the very people that hurt them. I could clearly see the pattern and could understand the rationale behind it. After all, the truth is in George Santayana, a Spanish-American philosopher’s words, from his book "The Life of Reason" (1905) said: "Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it."
So I wanted to study a few patterns. I could point out that there were certain things I did not like being done to me but it has now become characteristic I have. That I could understand. I could understand and engage with the reality that you’re bound to mimic the actions of others because you live around them and are around them constantly. That's all you know, after all. I could also understand and engage the truth that I would have to consciously unlearn all of that.
A single moment opened my eyes to a completely different perspective. When we engage with people with the same nasty words and attitudes they used on us and do the exact same to them, we become them. Not only do we become them, we become the very thing we claim is wrong, despicable, unbearable and irrelevant.
Matthew 5:44 (KJV): "But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you;"
We become them. We become people that cannot and will not see their mistakes but instead hold tightly to a truth that suits their idea of what life is. This wouldn’t be as terrifying or harmful if we didn’t grow up. The reason is this - As we grow up, we become more set in our ways. This is not a bad thing, in fact, it is very good.
A man or woman who is set in their ways is one who has an identity, values, a moral code, a strong belief of what is wrong or right. They have a future because they know who they are, what they want and where they’re going. It is a powerful thing to be set in your ways.
Unfortunately, this also means that when you constantly reflect the bad attitudes of people around you and behave the same way to them overtime. you can’t stop or change easily, if at all. It would take the Grace of God and a lot of work. This is because these attitudes become a part of you and if a person is so confident in their identity, then they are ultimately unwilling to sacrifice any part of that identity for change. In their minds, the cost is simply too great.
This is not a sentence saying that this will be your life or my life. We thank God that the Bible is whole and complete. Jesus said, “Assuredly, I say to you, unless you are converted and become as little children, you will by no means enter the kingdom of heaven.”
Matthew 18:3 NKJV
By doing so, the solution is simple. Children are malleable and open to change. They receive instructions, learn and make mistakes. They are undoubtedly free from the shackles of a set identity created by the highs and lows of life. Yes, children embrace change because that’s all they’ll have for years before they find themselves.
Simply put, be a child. Ebb and flow. Hear and forget. Listen and ruminate. Be free. Let things go.
Revenge can taste cool in your mouth and quell the thirst that has caused a parched throat eager for relief but the truth is, it will hurt you and when next you take a look in the mirror, you’ll find that you have become them. And the worst part? You won’t even be able to recognize that you are now them. Becoming them means being blind to who you are really.
What will you choose?
I choose to forgive.
🫶🏼 things I’m learning:
Endometriosis is a condition where the endometrium or lining of the uterine shows on the skin.
Cutaneous endometriosis is where lesions appear on the skin as a result. It’s rare though.
Read any book you like. You’ll learn something no matter what it turns out to be.